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07-Oct-2015 11:51

As for shyness, I wrote a great piece on how to overcome shyness when asking a woman out in a previous post. I've loved women deeply and to suggest that me seeing a woman on the side when I'm with a man "doesn't count" is to completely devalue and dismiss that love. A lot of lesbians are terrified of dating bi girls in case they "run off" with a man. Contrary to popular belief, we don't fancy the entire population, any more than straight girls fancy every single bloke. It's kinda cute when you still do a little double-take. Bisexuality is not a comfy little alcove for people to rest in while they gather courage to come out as gay, or just a way to impress guys at parties.10. People don't question a frantically masturbating virgin teenage boy when he says he likes those girls on the internet, so why question adult "virgin" bisexuals? "Oh, so you might as well say you're straight, then? Tending towards one gender in general doesn't in any way dilute our attraction to anyone else we like or have liked.12. And if you do find a bi girl who isn't into exclusive relationships, it's still a really shit chat-up line and will immediately lessen your chances of most women continuing the conversation, let alone open any doors to hot group-sex action. If only you could see our faces when we open the fifth threesome message of the day… Equally, they're no more likely to jump at your suggestion of having an open relationship or to giggle and comply when you tell them to snog their mate in a club for a laugh. Being bi usually means having the capacity to both love and feel sexual desire for more than one gender. Yup, we can live quite happily without male penetration. We can share those painful youthful memories of cringey bra-hook moments (seriously, it still takes practice, even if you know how to do it on yourself). You wouldn't keep asking a straight girl if she was "sure" she was straight, so don't keep asking us to reassess our sexuality. Having a preference for one gender still means we're bi. We weren't just waiting for you to come along and help us make up our minds. Please don't go down the pub and tell your mates you've "turned" a lesbian. As a bi woman, being in a same-sex couple doesn't make us a lesbian, any more than being in an opposite-sex couple makes us straight. We're not going to be defined by our relationship with you. The bi community is full of genderfluid, trans and other gender-non-conforming individuals, as well as solid friends and allies of those people. Date a bi girl and you might find yourself learning a lot more about gender beyond the binary world of "he" and "she". We'll love you even more if you come and march with us.

I'm a student and since I've come out, not one lesbian wants to go out with me (not even for coffee).The excuse is usually something along the lines of, "No thanks I'm not interested", or "Oh, you seem really smart, but no thanks." It's become increasingly hard because I'm so very lonely and I don't understand what ­I'm doing wrong. Going out there is what I've tried and it doesn't seem to be working, and hope is what I'm quickly running out of. Bi women are no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else. And one of the most offensive things you can do is to suggest that we're free to get it on with other women because "it doesn't count as cheating" and other women aren't a "threat". How sexist is it to suggest that only sex with a man counts as "real" sex?! It may well have taken us some guts to tell you that, too, because society still seems to be having trouble getting its head round bisexuality.I came out of the closet last summer and although I was very excited at first, it's become increasingly disappointing as time goes by.

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The fact that you’ve been actively asking women out is admirable!

Many lesbians don’t even get THAT far, so even though you say you’re shy, I think you’re more confident than you realize.